A "Female Driver's" Perspective on Public Relief

This post is a special guest appearance by Beth Jensen

I love the average driver's nomenclature of the woman truck driver noted above. 

As most of you females know, the worst thing about a public bathroom is sitting down and discovering the seat is wet.  The saying "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat" is so apropos, but like any other attempt to curb human behavior, you just can't be successful all of the time.  I have never used those seat papers.  I once read somewhere that you cannot get any diseases from sitting on a public toilet seat so what's the point?  However, I have not sat on a wet seat in a long time.  I have developed an eagle eye for droplets.

Now, the question is, which stall.  The first because most females will figure it's the most used and not use it?  Or the last, or the handicapped or somewhere in between?  I usually opt for the philosophy behind the first, but move down the line if it's not up to snuff.

I think we gals have an advantage when it comes to #1.  We have privacy for that.  We even have an edge on #2.  If a guy is in a stall, I guess they know what he's doing.  Of course we can give it away with noises and odors.  Frankly, I don't care about that unless there's a line.

My beef is about what happens after.  Rest areas seldom have paper towels.   I need these for brushing my teeth and washing my face.  So I now take a hand towel with me.  When working in nursing homes for 3 years, I became well acquainted with effective hand washing.  Well, some idiotic state, I will not mention here, got sold on a system that's totally ineffective.  You put your hands in the trough.  First comes soap, then comes water, then comes your boyfriend with your daughter.  Just kidding...then comes hot air.  The time you have to lather is no where near the 30 seconds required to remove germs.

Now it's time to exit the rest area...or truck stop or customer's lavatory and you use the handles the same people before you have.  Some didn't bother to wash their hands, most didn't lather for 30 seconds.  How I've not been sick or hospitalized regularly this past year is a mystery.

One last observation.  Texas has the prettiest rest areas overall.  They tend to be mosaics in tile but also tend to be open air between wall and ceilings so are buggy, hot or cold.  The one in Laredo is awesome.  I understand you can catch a ride in Laredo to Mexico in a limo for only $20 round trip.  I hope to do that sometime. The "male drivers" tend to do this for cheap sex.  I'm thinking shopping. I doubt it would be a good idea to do it for the tequila.  

Public Relief

Truck Stop stall - Tacoma, WA

I'm not sure you ever quite get used to always having to use public bathrooms when you live in a truck. I'm guessing there are those out here that don't give it much thought, but I'm certainly not one of them.

It's also pretty strange to think that we are becoming experts at knowing where the rest stop locations are, and where each respective stop rates on a scale of one to ten - with ten being about as good as a private bathroom, and one being the kind of place where once you enter your internal organs stop working completely and you have to leave before accomplishing anything of value. 

For the most part, rest areas along the interstates are not too bad. This is particularly true along the major ones, I-80-70-10-75-35, etc. However, there are some glaring exceptions. California comes to mind, especially I-5. In the North, there is a rest area in Weed, CA., that smells a little funky and sometimes is pretty cold, but it sits almost directly across from Mt. Shasta - so it does have that going for it.

California Rest Area - Midnight

On the other hand, there is one rest area in the middle of the state that plays home to so many flies (hundreds is my best guess - I tried counting them, but it's difficult 'cause they move pretty fast and so many of them look exactly alike), that the men's room rates as close to zero on the 1-10 scale as it gets. And, there is another rest area not far from Sacramento that is well guarded by a family of four (over-weight mom and dad and two 3-5 year-old boys) with signs that tell you exactly how poor they are and how the California welfare system has been extremely unkind to them. However, they do seem to always be drinking from store-bought water bottles, and the boys always seem to be munching on some sort of candy - the kindness of strangers, perhaps?

Public Relief can sometime be daunting here in Nebraska

Rest areas in Nebraska along I-80 are some of the nicer ones, however in February is gets brutally cold, and the trucks sometimes have to park 75-100 yards away from the buildings. One really has to be dedicated about needing to find a restroom when it's 8 degrees outside and the windchill contributes to another -20 degrees. On the other hand, we once stopped at at rest area in the Mojave Desert when it was 113 degrees. Even the water from the drinking fountain was hot.

Truck Stops vary just about as wildly as the rest areas. The larger Truck Stops are usually at least clean, but are often a serious assault on one's olfactory sensibilities. And, at certain times of the day, say right after breakfast, there can be lines. Women, so I'm told, are used to seeing the occasional line in the restroom, but men are not. So, we all just stand around shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, trying not to make eye contact, and wondering why the hell it is taking people so long - and all the while trying to look manly-man about it.


Ultimately, we do have some control over where we stop, and to the best of our ability we do try to plan ahead. But, well, the bottom line here is that sometimes when ya gotta go ya gotta go...