Talkin' Truck - Part III: Rude Bob and Tin Lizzy

No kidding, the truck talks to us. Unfortunately, we talk back to it, or him or her - however you want to look at it.


We have two GPS systems on-board the truck - Tin Lizzy, a unit we bought ourselves, and Rude Bob (maybe) that was pre-installed in each truck we've had. I say "maybe" on Rude Bob because over time he has morphed, and now has a feminine voice that is actually very similar to Tin Lizzy's. That's not really surprising because both systems are driven by software made by the same company - Co-Pilot.

Rude Bob actually got his name when we were in the first of our three Freightliner Cascadias. The GPS system in the on-board unit worked pretty well in terms of showing us directions that actually worked most of the time. As with any of these systems, there would be times when we would get close to a destination and Bob would become confused and start issuing directions that made no sense at all. But, that wasn't how he got his name. You see, the old Bob units (up until this latest truck) didn't talk too much. About two or three times a week, especially right after you rebooted the unit, Bob would chime in with a vocal direction....

"IN .3 MILES, TAKE RAMP TO I-95 NORTH," Bob would yell in a voice that was slightly garbled, edgy and often difficult to understand.

"Bob," I would respond, "we're in Iowa. We're not within 1,000 miles of I-95."

He really was rude and his vocal directions were seldom anywhere near being accurate, but at least he had some minor entertainment value. Things went on that way through a few trucks and then, in our last truck, Bob morphed into a disembodied voice that could have been either male/or female. The new voice was even more difficult to understand, still too loud for the occasion, and no more accurate than before. We grew confused about our faithful friend.

Then, we moved into this truck, and the morph was complete. The voice is distinctly female, and generally pretty accurate, even if the look of the unit itself is the same as always. He/she does, however, try to take us through small towns when that is the shortest route. It may be the shortest way as the crow flies, but in a 70-foot rig, it's not always the best idea to take the shortest route. So, last night we decided to admit that Bob was cross-dressing (Beth thinks there has been a sex change procedure), and in the spirit of Political Correctness, we are now referring to Bob as "Lola, L-O-L-A Lola - La La La Lo-la," and we've started using "she" instead of "he." Even if he/she is "different," we want her to be well-adjusted.


Lizzy and Lola - the UN-identical Twin GPSs

Tin Lizzy is the GPS unit we bought at a Pilot truck stop in Missouri, just north of Kansas City. She's actually the second GPS we bought (or at least Beth bought). Beth had another unit (Zorma nee Christine), a very nice Garmin Nuvi, when I joined her. Zorma was the best (and most expensive by $200.00), but we managed to fry her back in September by leaving her in a hot tractor while we took five days of home time. She became dead. So, we had to buy a replacement unit, in part because we just couldn't completely trust Rude Bob. 

Lizzy is a PC Miler, and really pretty dependable. She is supposed to be truck friendly, and for the most part she leads us on roads designed for truck travel, and warns us when we're in areas that are not appropriate for hazardous material loads. She got her name because when you have the volume turned up all the way, she sounds like listening to a radio from a 1964 Ford Falcon Futura after the speaker has been blown out - very fuzzy and, well, tinny. She doesn't accept as many end addresses as Zorma, and she doesn't have as many bells and whistles, but she gets the job done. 


So now we have un-identical twin GPS units. Since the software is the same in both devices, and the voices are extraordinarily similar (although Lola often has the voice inflection of a Valley Girl), we get this weird effect. Lola is about 1/4 to 1/3 of a second behind Lizzy, which makes for entertaining and sometimes irritating voice directions...

"In .3 In miles .3 miles, take ramp take to ramp to I-95 I-95 north north." And, lo and behold, we were at the time actually .3 miles away from I-95.

Actually, the whole point here is that our dueling GPS units not only get us where are going most of the time, but they are also a somewhat amusing part of this weird adventure. Throw in a Rand-McNally truckers' atlas, and the instructions that come through dispatch from the actual customer, and pretty much the only time we get lost is due to operator failure. If we're careful, and we pay attention as we are supposed to do, then yes, we can usually get there from here. 

Still, every once in a while the system breaks down and we find ourselves backing this thing out of some strange situations......